For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
When we moved here we were very clear that God had a plan for us. We didn't know the details but believed this verse was true. That he would bring us here and that it would give us hope and a future. My first meeting with Dr. Easterling last about four hours. We discussed all of my medical history, then we talked about all the possible outcomes, finally we discussed my fears and his plans. I was mostly concerned that we would choose to have another baby and Gods true desire for us was to adopt. This was where my heart had been all year. I had prayed that my visit with this doctor would give our family clarity. At the end of the appointment I asked what I should do and Dr. Easterling said I can tell the desire of your heart is to have another baby so go have another baby. He said I will worry about the medical stuff and you go figure out what life will be like with a second baby. It wasn't clear and it wasn't loud but I knew that God intended for me to bear another child.
My walk with God has always been about faith. I'm a planner and while God has a road map for my life he hasn't handed me the full size version. I don't know the path until I am right on it. On more than one occasion he has forced me to sustain my well being on faith alone. He was the only one I could look to. He would send help along the way but blind faith was the only way.
I walked into the pregnancy not knowing the outcome. I might have a perfectly healthy pregnancy and I might not. However, I believe that God sends us our children. He will create the baby, he will prepare my body, and no matter the outcomes we will sustain ourselves on hope. We trust that God will give us a future and that he will prosper us. This doesn't mean a perfect baby or a perfect birth. Those are the short term goals. I'm talking a year from now when I look back at this year I know I will be able to say God took care of us and we are exactly where we are supposed to be.
So about this sweet little baby. We are fifteen weeks along! I felt the nugget move for the first time this week. I might be biased but I can already tell its just gonna be the cutest little thing. It was sucking its hand in the first ultrasound! It was also all over the place flipping and wiggling. I am amazed by how connected I already feel! I have been pretty sick since the beginning. Almost full time nausea and some pretty rough headaches. The tiredness was a welcomed symptom. Sleeping was when I felt my best. I have been about half the Mom I used to be. I would love to say I am getting better but it seems that the symptoms have just changed. I have more heartburn now and more serious headaches. I wish I were a pregnancy unicorn but instead I am the person with every symptom they list. At least I know that I will forget most of this once I see this babies precious little face. Here's looking forward to that!
