Just Like That

This entire house was dreamed up about 5 years ago. Bits and pieces of the idea were changed a bit over time but for the most part we had this plan. A plan that the boys would have enough space to hit a ball as far as they like! The house wasn't exactly what we pictured but it was everything we needed and more. Now that I sit here with it all finished up I cant help but feel a bit overwhelmed with gratitude and a little emotional that its all done.

We landed our real estate agent when another agent missed our showing. The boys instantly fell in love with her! She hauled them around from house to house and made sure they didn't play with any nails or eat dead bugs. We looked at some really rough homes and she was willing to show them all. She stuck with us through missed chances, lost deals, and oh no lets back outs. She took such careful time with us and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. I know her willingness to find us a home is one of the only reasons we are in this one today. I would recommend her over and over again. We love you Kaci!  Kaci Johnson Realty Mart

Our contractor was also at the first missed showing. We had asked him to give us an idea of what it might cost to get it fixed up. The first house we fell in love with had plywood for walls. It was no longer being supported by its foundation, and had three chicken houses on the 5 acre piece of land. It was a real beauty. He was open to our dream but wasn't afraid to tell us we were a bit crazy. When we called him up for this house he was much more pleased with our choice. This on was still a bit of a crazy choice but he was up for the challenge! Bad piping, out dated heating and air held us back but turns out his biggest obstacle in this house would be time and my decision making! He was great to work with and we can't thank him enough for the finished product! Hansen Brothers Construction
We chose to work with Will for many reason but his heart for missions solidified our decision. A portion of his income goes to his nonprofit that builds homes for refugees in Uganda. We love that through the construction work in our home a family across the globe will achieve their dream home. Carpenter Project

Got to say a big thanks to my Dad. He helped me knock down the first two walls and kick off the entire project. He found the perfect log from my home town and turned it into a mantle that would be the focal point of our home and a wonderful reminder of where I come from. He also built a mud cubby that will help this momma organize the chaos. He helped Alex install our security cameras and did every other little small task I asked of him! He got us started and helped us finish! I know he did it for the boys and I think they showed him this weekend how grateful they were! They brought him every little worm and slug they could find!

So here we are today. This is the work of family, friends, our agent, our contractor, our kids, our own blood sweat and tears, and a lot of Dave Ramsey!

To everyone who listed to me talk about it WAY TOO much, who dealt with my tears or who prayed for us! We appreciate you so much! Thanks for loving us through it! :)

Finally to Chip and Joanna Gaines :) Thanks for the inspiration and making it look easy. You guys are crazy to want to do this all the time! I think once might be good enough for me!

The White Fence Ranch

"The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

We have been house shopping for a solid year. Trying to make the best decision for our family all while being budget friendly was more of a challenge than we expected. We looked all over Northwest Arkansas and even considered trying to just find some land in central Arkansas. It wasn't a fun journey. It left us both questioning our decisions and exhausted from the hunt. In January we decided to stop looking. We would just take a few months to rethink things. A few days after we made the decision I get a call from Alex asking if I had seen the house for sale near ours. It was an adorable ranch home on 5 acres. It had every item on our house wish list. Big enough but not to big. Pretty but not so pretty we can't live in it! So I call our agent and she agrees to meet us out there. When we walked in I quickly felt at home. But because of the letdowns we faced the year before I didn't get my hopes up. We fell in love instantly and asked our agent to get our offer in. The 2018 real estate documents were giving her some trouble so it ended up taking us another day to get it in. I'm not gonna lie I was in total panic waiting for this offer to get in. But God had a different plan. While we were working through the issues they dropped the price 25k.  I knew at this point we were covered. 

So we get our new offer ready and get it submitted, its accepted, and just like that we get the ball rolling. All the process and steps that followed were running smoothly and I began getting our house ready to sell. I did the cleaning, the clearing, the staging, and the prep work. We debated over hiring an agent but in the end we decided to just put it on Zillow and see what happens. 10 DAYS later we got an offer and we accepted it. Again I found myself in the comfort of Gods plans.

Its like we are on a roller coaster and the track isn't quite ready and right before we run out another track gets laid and its the perfect bit of twist and turn. So we work through the paper work of closing on the new house, selling our old house, and trying to get a contractor ready for the remodel we are facing. So we begin the fun stuff flooring styles, paint colors, tile shopping, light fixtures, and more! Lots of fun stuff happening but all the while feeling overwhelmed by the task before us. I was trying to pray about the decisions but some days the task before me was daunting. Its like I know its all a blessing and that I should be joyful in the blessing but I would let fears drag me down. Mind you this is all happening in days not weeks or months.

This is when things took another turn. I found an ad on Facebook looking for a family in need of a home renovation. The timeline was when we closed and the budget requirement was ours to the dollar.....WHAT! I applied and just like that we were interviewed and then SELECTED. If you went back a month ago and told me I would be talking to casting and producers for HGTV about creating my dream home I would tell you to check your crazy at the door! A few days into the HGTV process the budget was pushed up and the start date pushed back. We sadly decided to turn down the show.  I'm not gonna lie some big alligator tears were shed over that decision. But in the end the dream was always about the home not being on TV.  So we turned down the show, hired an awesome contractor, and got to work!

I got to do some serious demo work with my Dad to kick off the project. We took out two walls the first day we owned it. We are completely remodeling the bathrooms, adding a window to the master, and creating some sort of pantry/office/mudroom/ laundry room. So far its been an exhausting process but so amazing! Trusting in Gods plan always results in the best plan. Watching my kiddos run across the field brings more joy than I can imagine and I can't wait to see where God takes us next in this journey! 

The Before:

Maybe someday I will write about what this house means to us but for now here is a blurb from our application for the show. 

Since we met our dream has always been to have a piece of land in the Ozarks to call our own. That dream has been harder to get to then we ever imagined. The first house we lived in after we got married was destroyed in a 500-year flood, ruining most of what we owned and forcing us to buy a new home. We loved our new little house. It was such a blessing to us and we planned to stay there happily but when Hudson was born I suffered from preeclampsia/ HELLP syndrome. My doctor in Little Rock told me it was best that he was my only child. My heart wanted more and when we were offered a job in Seattle I was able to get the top preeclampsia specialist in the nation as my doctor. We had to do it! So we left our family, friends, church and our comfort to step out in faith. We were able to have Benson safely in Seattle and soon after he was born our hearts longed to come home. A job opened up in this area and when Benson was just three months old we took it. The move all happened so fast that we picked the first house we could with out a lot of considerations. Benson really is the last baby I will get to carry and so we feel like that chapter is closing and it's time to move forward living out the life we imagined for our family. We know both of our boys were blessings and its our hearts desire for all of us to live as fully as possible, grateful for the life we were given. You should pick us because our story is a bit crazy. We have never felt settled. We have moved 5 times in 7 years. The thought of this house being our forever home is overwhelming and amazing. 

New Grandpa

2017 was grounded in time with my family. We spent countless hours playing, traveling and exploring. It was a year of blessings, countless memories, and loads of joy. But no year comes without its aches, losses, and hurts. We mourned the loss of young and old as well as pouring out prayers for friends and family enduring heart breaks of health, loss, and change. But in the end there was one moment that hallmarked my year.

In 2017 we found my grandfather and then lost my grandfather. All in a few months. My grandmother raised my mom alone and my mom never knew who her father was. There had been hints and speculation but nothing for certain. The man that everyone suggested was never involved but there were signs that he knew and that his family certainly did. I was raised under the impression that this man was her father but that he had passed away before she knew him. We spent time with this family and developed a sweet relationship. I am so grateful for that rumor because it gave me the sweet influence and love from my Aunt Pearl. While my mother believed this as best she could,  there was always a bit of skepticism in the back of her mind. 

That little bit of uncertainty is what I believe drew her to Ancestry.com. She began by researching and trying to find the family connections but it never came together until she did the DNA test. She submitted her kit and it didn't take long. The details came back and process of elimination began. Very quickly that family was ruled out. There as no connection at all. And so she began the process of investigation. Months worth of files, emails, and work led her to one name. It was a name that had never been mentioned before. Being from a very small town it was a name and family we were familiar with but never  heard that he and my grandmother knew each other. When I look back on this I am so proud of my moms work. She was brave and bold in this process. I think when you decide you are going to reach out to someone about possible infidelity or even just promiscuity you have to be committed to the process. So she did it. She reached out to his family and asked them to provide a sample DNA to prove her speculations true. Amazingly, they provided the DNA and we all sat on the edge of our seats waiting for the results. When they finally came back we found the speculation was true. All her hard work and uncomfortable conversations paid off. He was her father. 

It was an exciting and equally terrifying time. What do you do with that information? Do you settle with simply knowing or do you seek out more? And the questions of do you meet him and if so why?  The questions and concerns washed over her and all of us. What would it mean to know him and what would it matter. He had missed out on her life and missed out on ours. But we aren't the type to let it go. We had to meet him but she had to go first. So on a sunny afternoon she drove herself to meet her Dad. When we talked on her way she was a ball of nerves. What if his age didn't allow him to understand? What if he didn't believe her or even worse didn't care? All the what if''s were overwhelming but she was committed and so she followed through. 

As soon as she entered the room his smiled calmed her nerves. He was wonderful. He was kind, funny, and glad to have her. He told her she looked like him. He told her that he never knew about her but that he wished he would have. He was accepting and even proud. She fell instantly. Apparently a host of my mothers wonderful qualities passed on genetically from this sweet man. He was known for smiling and being kind to everyone. He never met a stranger. He was silly and witty. All of these characteristics are the same I would use to describe my mother. The questions of why you would want to meet him became answered. We needed to meet him because as it turns out we were like him. A little bit rebellious but a lot a bit of fun. Mom and I always get caught saying my friend at the Walmart checkout or my friend at sonic or my friend that works at the nail salon. As instantly was we make a good person our friend is as quickly as he made us his family. 

My brother and I went to meet him. Because of his age and health I decided to take my boys to meet him too. It was a great visit. It will forever be etched in my mind as the day I met my grandpa. Not my moms biological father but my grandpa. He was quick to love us and that filled the gap of a lifetime without him. That one day would provide enough warmth to sustain never meeting with him again. 

In the following weeks he passed away. My mother was included in the service and we were able to meet all the family. He lays in the same cemetery as my grandmother. Its a crazy experience, finding your family. We are his lineage. His ears, his smile, his laugh, the good and the bad. We belong. 

Looking into this year its hard to imagine anything can top that feeling but you never know what life will bring or when it will bring it! 

Home is our sanctuary

Over this Christmas break I found myself reading. I'm sure it irritated my husband and children but sometimes I just need to have my nose stuck in a book. I started with "He will be my ruin" a murder mystery and thriller type. I was done with it in a day, I just couldn't wait for the ending! Then I moved onto a little self help. First as Present over Perfect followed by The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. The were a little deeper spiritually. In fact looking back they were perfect choices for the New Year. Even if I didn't plan it. I also managed to fit in an equally good new years documentary, Minimalism. Truth is I have been on this get rid of things kick for awhile. Moving to Seattle with two small pods will do that to you. But really it has been about more than that. Its about not coveting things of this world. Not spending my money on useless and joyless items. Also not owning items that make me disconnected from the average person of this world. Now I felt someone proud of the job we had done. We had quit with name brand for the most part or at least didn't purchase it because of its brand. I slowed down on retail therapy and really thought twice about the purchase. We have never had cable but we got rid of Hulu and tried to simplify our television intake. Overall we have been on this journey to minimize. However I realized over the break we are far from there. We are also maybe not fully understanding the mindset of removing the stuff to be more present in the world.  I was moved so deeply by the words in the tidy book. She suggested to thank your home for all it does for you. I thought about how I have treated this home. First, I hated it because it was too new, it has no character, and its too big. Then, I spent time searching for a different house that would ultimately make me happier. Then right in the middle of this book it was like God just tapped me on the shoulder and said "hey britt- this .is shelter, your shelter" I realized for the first time that my home was Gods provision on my life for shelter. Not my paradise, not my pride, not my item to covet or hate. It is my shelter and it is a sanctuary from the storm of life. I realized in that moment that so many in this world would be mind blown if they had this shelter and the freedom that we so often take for granted. So I thanked my home and I thanked God. My home for being so good to me and giving me such wonderful shelter and God for giving me this beautiful place for my children to grow and be happy. I know my road to present, tidy, minimized joy might be a long one but the joys and insights each day make it so worth it.

Minimalism 
Life Changing Magic of Tidying
Present Over Perfect
He Will Be My Ruin

Love, Seattle, Arkansas, and April

Five years ago I embarked on one crazy journey! 2010 I married my favorite man of all time. He is my sanity, my adventure, my love, and my life. 2011 we lived in a precious little lake house in Conway. That precious little lake then flooded our little house and everything in it. So we spent a few months stranded and then we bought our first house! 2012 was pretty normal, possibly even boring, well right up until I got pregnant and began puking every 20 min! 2013 our sweet baby boy joined the world. We found out I am not so good at pregnancy and learned what it was like to parent a preemie. 2014 would have been a normal calm year but then we decided to move to Seattle and get pregnant again. 2015 we rediscovered I'm not so good at pregnancy, we had our new baby boy, learned about life with two kids, and then decided to move back to Arkansas. 5 years of adventures. 5 years of hardships and five years of overcoming. 5 years of salvation, 5 years of grace, 5 years of learning and love. I can't imagine anyone else in the world that would love this roller coaster as much as I do!

I am beyond excited about our next adventure. Arkansas is in our blood. I guess its hard to describe unless you are from there. Statistically it is literally the worst in everything. They say our schools are failing, we are all obese, and poor to boot. Not to mention our dang football team! They keep telling us this but we just turn the music up a little louder. Oh how my heart beats for my home state. Ask any of us ,we will talk about it like its the next best thing to the pearly gates. I know a big part of that is the people but I tell you when I'm away from Arkansas the moment the plane lands in Little Rock I want to go make angels in the grass. It is my first true love and coming home is easy.

And then again its not.

Seattle will now and forever be so special to me. I'm starting the water works just thinking about it. Before we came here we were very specific with our prayers. We prayed for good neighbors,we prayed for friends, we prayed for a baby, we prayed for happiness and adventure. When I think about our time here all I can say is our GOD is SO BIG!

Oh our neighbors! We have the best neighbors in the entire world. I'm not even kidding if you think yours are better call me and I'll tell you about the girl scout cookie cake and then I will tell you I win! From the day we moved in we have had the best times in our backyard. Every afternoon has been spent with the kids. Seven at one house, two at the other, and one more just beside us. We had enough kids to play real baseball and football games. We made boo boos all better, we made bad days turn good, and we conquered the world one feisty political convo at a time. In turn I found one of my best friends. April was there for me when I didn't even know I needed her. We were two peas in a pod from the get go. She made sure we were taken care of and went the extra steps to show our family we were cared for too. She has loved my babies like they are her own and leaving her and the kiddos has made leaving Seattle far harder than I could have imagined. Its not every day you meet some one who is as exceptional as she is. I wish I had half of her joy and strength. She is a one woman crew! She manages her house and then makes time to come over and help me manage mine. I prayed for a friend and God went above and beyond with her. When I was homesick she made it better. When I was afraid to get around the city she pushed me out the door. I can't imagine how different this experience would have been without her. She made me happy and she made me strong. I pray no matter where I am in this world I have April on speed dial and someone just like here near by.

Our baby! I mean of all the places in the world we get moved to where there is a doctor who not only specializes in Preeclampsia/HELLP but also founded the foundation for researching it. Only God can make things like this happen. So we had a baby and he is perfect. He is big and I am fine. Seattle made our family complete. That's something I'm not sure we could have done or would have done anywhere else.

We have had the absolute best adventure here. We spent every weekend here exploring this area. From the Canadian border to the Oregon coast. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. I am so grateful for our time here and all it has given us. I love you Seattle. I adore your strange people, your tall trees, and your peek a boo mountain. I hope my visits here happen as often as possible.

But its time to go home. We miss my grandparents and the boys miss theirs too. I miss my MOMMY, I mean I miss her so much. But don't think the adventure stops here! Our motto for next year is "See Arkansas First". I can't wait to explore my home state. I also can't wait to see what and who God brings into our life.

Alex my dear I'm grateful we don't know whats in store for us next. Living life a little on the crazy side has always been our thing and I fear it always will be! I absolutely love doing life with you and I know you are the only person crazy enough to enjoy it as much as I do! Cheers to our next big adventure!!

The big arrival!

Such is the story of my life.. I give control to God and he does things bigger and better than I could have planned! I posted about finishing my race and doing it without complaint. I couldn't have known that my race was almost over. Okay lets be honest, now that I am on the other side of it, this race has just begun and has added hurdles. 

* warning: this is a long one, grab your coffee now :)

My mom flew into Seattle August 4th and planned to stay until the baby arrived. If he arrived early she would depart on the 21st of August. I have to be honest the moment her plane landed I was ready. I wanted her to be around to help with the baby as long as possible. I only made it to 34 weeks in my first pregnancy so this time by 37 weeks I was ready to have a baby! Alex disagreed. He wanted me to make it to term and not have an early planned cesarean. Now don't get me wrong I did not plan to have an early c section. My plan was to spontaneously go into labor and have a vbac. If I never went into labor my doctor would schedule a cesarean at 39 weeks as it would be too risky for me to go beyond that day. (If you are curious about my riskiness see earlier posts) I woke every morning praying for labor to happen! I couldn't wait to have a contraction, crazy I know. I didn't care so much about the experience of labor I think babies coming into this world is an experience no matter the entrance...or exit as it may be. I just wanted to have the recovery of a vaginal birth. At this point I was visiting the doctor weekly. We did a weekly NST as well. The baby was always great and my TOCO was always flat (this means labor was no where in sight). We checked my cervix at the appointment before and I was closed shut and locked. Even with all that I was still hopeful my water would just magically break the next day and that I would shoot into labor.

Monday, August 10th, I went into L&D around 10 pm. I would like to say that I went because my water broke but that is just not what happened. I had been instructed to check my BP once or twice a day. I checked it that evening and it was around 147/110. I called L&D and they informed me I was over my limit and had to come in. Upon arrival my BP remained high. They checked me in, discussed delivery options and began running tests. Everything came back normal and somewhere in the middle of the night my bp went back to normal as well. My protein was elevated but not enough to diagnose me as preeclamptic. I was sent home with a giant jug to do my very own 12 hour urine sample (nothing more lovely than storing urine in your fridge all day). I had to go in that evening to turn in my sample and discuss the next steps with my doctor. Thankfully my protein came back as normal and so we went back to the normal plan. If I go into labor great if not I would be scheduled. In the mean time I needed to keep checking the bp at home. I was also placed on blood pressure medicine to keep it nice and low.

Wednesday August 12th, I had felt a little off all day. Mom and I had ran some errands around town. It was a good day but I kept feeling like my vision was off, enough so I made her drive. (my mother driving in Seattle could have an entire post of its own) I also had a nagging headache but it was cooler that day so I just decided it was sinus pressure. That afternoon I took a nap in hopes of feeling better but when I woke up I felt worse. My mom even noticed that I looked like I felt...not good. So I took my bp and instantly knew it was game on! My bp was around 153/110. This normally would be high but not terrible. But remember I'm on blood pressure medicine, I shouldn't be having anything over 120/80. I knew this was it. The moment I had prayed wouldn't happen but had planned for either way. I was going to develop preeclampsia again. We got to the hospital as quick as possible and I was right. I had elevated bp and proteins. Thankfully my platelets and liver were doing just fine, that means no HELLP...PRAISE THE LORD!!

So the same doctor who came to me about a vbac two days before came back with the news I expected. I was already risky for a vbac but an induced vbac just seemed to create more risk than I was willing to take. So a cesarean it would be.  The moment we all agreed the wheels began to turn. 

Alex and I were dressed and prepped! Things were so different this time, while we were having a rushed cesarean we were not at the emergency point so we really got to have the birth experience. He called for mom and brother while I went back for anesthesia. Alex came back into the room as they got me settled onto the bed. The entire staff was professional and so reassuring for me. They set up my bed to where I would be able to see the baby as soon as he was out. My surgery went well. I unfortunately had quite a bit of scar tissue so things went a little longer than expected. I also got sick this time, that was an experience, but the anesthesiologist made it seem like a drop in the bucket. The best part of this entire experience was that I could feel that baby kicking right up until his exit. I think he was excited to see me! They announced that he would be arriving shortly and then we heard the scream. I said he didn't scream fast enough and Alex informed me it was maybe 2 seconds (felt like 20 min). They took him to his table wiped him down, did all the prep work and brought him straight to my chest. My little boy was nursing before I knew it and I was crying like a baby! It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life! He stayed with me the rest of the evening and we began our life as a family of four. God is just so good.

In the end my race was clear. I would get sick again but God would walk me through it just like he had before. I ran my race with a faithful heart, putting all my trust in him. God was with us the entire time and we know he poured his grace into my pregnancy and delivery. I can never be thankful enough for all he has done for me.

I never in my life imagined I would be a preeclampsia/HELLP survivor but I am. I feel like one responsibility of mine is to keep others informed! If you are expecting or know someone who is make sure they know and understand the disease. Nothing to be afraid of or worried about but best to be educated just in case. http://www.preeclampsia.org/health-information/sign-symptoms

The Finish Line

My bible study this AM could not have been more spot on.

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1b

Holy smokes I am almost 38 weeks pregnant. I can't believe even as I am living it. I would have never imagined making it this far into a pregnancy. Now I am looking at the finish line going when, when will I stop being pregnant. It almost feels like I have an eternity left when in reality its just a few weeks. I am struggling with my emotions at this point. First, I am so incredibly grateful for this baby and Gods grace over this pregnancy. I'm going to have a big baby this time. I'm going to have a baby who can breath on his own, eat on his own, and hopefully stay out of a baby box for more than a few minutes. I'm not sure I even know what to do with a full term baby but I am so ready to find out. Second, I am so terribly over it! I am grateful for the past 38 weeks but I have never been this pregnant before! Here at the end its like okay lets just get this baby out of here. I know I should want him to stay in until fully cooked but I know he could be out in my arms right now. I feel guilty even as I type it! I can't believe I am that girl. The girl who is walking miles daily and trying all the old wives tales for labor! I have found that even in my own life no two pregnancies are the same. When we comment on another woman's experience and emotions we are fools. First pregnancy me would have second pregnancy me. She would tell her to quit complaining and just be happy to be this far. But I'm not in the first any more and so complaining is a new part of my day. I am too large for my clothes, my shoes don't fit, I can't clean house, and I feel utterly worthless.

However, God was so faithful every day to send me reminders in his word. So today let me run my race with endurance. I do not get to pick the finish line. I am going to run as hard and happy as I can until he gets me to the end. Wishing for it everyday will not help. He knows the very best date and time and I have to depend on his timing for my best results. So I will wake up with this as my mantra. I will put on my "running gear" everyday and give each day my all. I will practice endurance daily and complain less. This is the race I prayed for, the race I worked for, and now he is going to give me the greatest reward.

I hope soon to be telling you about my sweet baby but I still have weeks to go! Whatever your race is focus on the finish and don't sweat the hills and curves.