I just got back from a wonderful visit to Arkansas. Coming home is always a bit of a challenge. It is doubled when you are traveling with your wild two year old and your blossoming baby bump. You have to plan for car seats, a car, where you will stay, packing, what you will eat, and so on. Its funny because you feel at home but really you have no home, no car, no stuff. We stayed for 13 days and that was only because of the grace poured out by my mother. She sacrificed her comforts to give us two weeks of our own comforts. The trip will be the last time I visit Arkansas until our baby is born. My doctor has given me strict no fly orders after 25 weeks. The trip was intended to give us a quick visit with most of our family and some of our friends. But God always has other plans. This trip turned out to be a growing experience for my heart and mind.
On the flight down I read the book Wild, by Cheryl Strayed. The book has many underlying themes but the biggest is being brave and forging through because you have to. You have to do things sometimes just to make you stronger. I loved that she was alone. She actually set herself up to be alone as often as possible. How funny is that. The whole time I was reading it I kept thinking phone a friend girl and get out of there. I came into the trip ready to forge my own path and get what I needed out of the trip. Not for the sake of others but just for myself. Now I am sure that sounds selfish but it wasn't intentional. I had a lot of people to see and very little time. Combine that with very little energy to do it all. I will admit that I didn't actually pray for people to accommodate me but it was like God sent little angels along my way. The first day I had two families stop by my mothers house. They were people I wanted to see but wasn't sure how to fit it in. Their dropping in was perfect. It continued with friends driving in from more than two hours away. I couldn't have been more grateful for their visits. One because it ensured I got to see them and love on them. Also, because it meant I didn't have to drive to make it happen. The sacrifice they made is worth more to me than I can explain.
As the week progressed I tried to double up my visits as much as possible. Seeing as many people as I could along the way. At the same time when I found no one was available I was just as grateful. When we are in Seattle we don't have the same support system we do in Arkansas. I can't call my mom to come by and help whenever I need her to. So I took advantage of my quiet days. I appreciated that I didn't have any laundry to do, no dinner to prepare, and no house to clean. I just played babysitter with Hudson. We laid up on the couch watching cartoons, we sat outside blowing bubbles for hours and best of all I had no guilt. I didn't feel like I needed to do anything with my time but enjoy my boy. I put my pregnant feet up and enjoyed being pregnant. I finally got over all the nausea and was just happy to be enjoying the little movements of our little nugget.
So now to the verse, iron sharpens iron. I didn't know going into this trip how much I needed to be lifted up. The months of sickness had wore me down. I was tired and self loathing. I didn't feel confident in my pregnancy or my mothering skills. I had spent so much time being sick I had forgotten how to just feel good. That's when God stepped in and sent others to sharpen me. Visit after visit I kept hearing gracious words. You look great, you are so strong, you are brave, you are beautiful. After about the third or fourth time I started believing it. I found it easier to get around in the mornings. I wanted to get dressed and go out. I was ready to conquer the rest of this pregnancy and be the best mommy I could be. I found myself being brave not because of myself but because you told me I was. I was reminded of how important gracious words can be when they flow from a loving heart. My sweet sisters in Christ have lifted me up. I kept singing Shawn McDonald's verses I will rise out of these ashes, rise, from this trouble I have found and this rubble on the ground, I will rise, Cause he who is in me is greater than I will ever be and I will rise.
So today I say THANK YOU! Thank you to women who allow gracious kind words to flow from your heart and pour out on others. I didn't know at the time how much I needed you to lift me up but you did it. I pray that I get the opportunity to return those kind words, I pray God will send me on the day you need rising up.
So we are 20 weeks and this Friday we find out the gender! Praise the Lord we are half way there. This also means we are a few weeks closer to determining if I will have the same outcomes during this pregnancy that I had with Hudson. HELLP can present as early as 25-28 weeks. We are asking for prayers that we will miss this mark and keep going strong as long as possible.
