In 2017 we found my grandfather and then lost my grandfather. All in a few months. My grandmother raised my mom alone and my mom never knew who her father was. There had been hints and speculation but nothing for certain. The man that everyone suggested was never involved but there were signs that he knew and that his family certainly did. I was raised under the impression that this man was her father but that he had passed away before she knew him. We spent time with this family and developed a sweet relationship. I am so grateful for that rumor because it gave me the sweet influence and love from my Aunt Pearl. While my mother believed this as best she could, there was always a bit of skepticism in the back of her mind.
That little bit of uncertainty is what I believe drew her to Ancestry.com. She began by researching and trying to find the family connections but it never came together until she did the DNA test. She submitted her kit and it didn't take long. The details came back and process of elimination began. Very quickly that family was ruled out. There as no connection at all. And so she began the process of investigation. Months worth of files, emails, and work led her to one name. It was a name that had never been mentioned before. Being from a very small town it was a name and family we were familiar with but never heard that he and my grandmother knew each other. When I look back on this I am so proud of my moms work. She was brave and bold in this process. I think when you decide you are going to reach out to someone about possible infidelity or even just promiscuity you have to be committed to the process. So she did it. She reached out to his family and asked them to provide a sample DNA to prove her speculations true. Amazingly, they provided the DNA and we all sat on the edge of our seats waiting for the results. When they finally came back we found the speculation was true. All her hard work and uncomfortable conversations paid off. He was her father.
It was an exciting and equally terrifying time. What do you do with that information? Do you settle with simply knowing or do you seek out more? And the questions of do you meet him and if so why? The questions and concerns washed over her and all of us. What would it mean to know him and what would it matter. He had missed out on her life and missed out on ours. But we aren't the type to let it go. We had to meet him but she had to go first. So on a sunny afternoon she drove herself to meet her Dad. When we talked on her way she was a ball of nerves. What if his age didn't allow him to understand? What if he didn't believe her or even worse didn't care? All the what if''s were overwhelming but she was committed and so she followed through.
As soon as she entered the room his smiled calmed her nerves. He was wonderful. He was kind, funny, and glad to have her. He told her she looked like him. He told her that he never knew about her but that he wished he would have. He was accepting and even proud. She fell instantly. Apparently a host of my mothers wonderful qualities passed on genetically from this sweet man. He was known for smiling and being kind to everyone. He never met a stranger. He was silly and witty. All of these characteristics are the same I would use to describe my mother. The questions of why you would want to meet him became answered. We needed to meet him because as it turns out we were like him. A little bit rebellious but a lot a bit of fun. Mom and I always get caught saying my friend at the Walmart checkout or my friend at sonic or my friend that works at the nail salon. As instantly was we make a good person our friend is as quickly as he made us his family.
My brother and I went to meet him. Because of his age and health I decided to take my boys to meet him too. It was a great visit. It will forever be etched in my mind as the day I met my grandpa. Not my moms biological father but my grandpa. He was quick to love us and that filled the gap of a lifetime without him. That one day would provide enough warmth to sustain never meeting with him again.
In the following weeks he passed away. My mother was included in the service and we were able to meet all the family. He lays in the same cemetery as my grandmother. Its a crazy experience, finding your family. We are his lineage. His ears, his smile, his laugh, the good and the bad. We belong.
Looking into this year its hard to imagine anything can top that feeling but you never know what life will bring or when it will bring it!
