"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1b
Holy smokes I am almost 38 weeks pregnant. I can't believe even as I am living it. I would have never imagined making it this far into a pregnancy. Now I am looking at the finish line going when, when will I stop being pregnant. It almost feels like I have an eternity left when in reality its just a few weeks. I am struggling with my emotions at this point. First, I am so incredibly grateful for this baby and Gods grace over this pregnancy. I'm going to have a big baby this time. I'm going to have a baby who can breath on his own, eat on his own, and hopefully stay out of a baby box for more than a few minutes. I'm not sure I even know what to do with a full term baby but I am so ready to find out. Second, I am so terribly over it! I am grateful for the past 38 weeks but I have never been this pregnant before! Here at the end its like okay lets just get this baby out of here. I know I should want him to stay in until fully cooked but I know he could be out in my arms right now. I feel guilty even as I type it! I can't believe I am that girl. The girl who is walking miles daily and trying all the old wives tales for labor! I have found that even in my own life no two pregnancies are the same. When we comment on another woman's experience and emotions we are fools. First pregnancy me would have second pregnancy me. She would tell her to quit complaining and just be happy to be this far. But I'm not in the first any more and so complaining is a new part of my day. I am too large for my clothes, my shoes don't fit, I can't clean house, and I feel utterly worthless.
However, God was so faithful every day to send me reminders in his word. So today let me run my race with endurance. I do not get to pick the finish line. I am going to run as hard and happy as I can until he gets me to the end. Wishing for it everyday will not help. He knows the very best date and time and I have to depend on his timing for my best results. So I will wake up with this as my mantra. I will put on my "running gear" everyday and give each day my all. I will practice endurance daily and complain less. This is the race I prayed for, the race I worked for, and now he is going to give me the greatest reward.
I hope soon to be telling you about my sweet baby but I still have weeks to go! Whatever your race is focus on the finish and don't sweat the hills and curves.
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